Eighteen months ago I wrote “Antisocial Distancing,” a head to head with Celia Rattner ‘21. I wrote from the perspective of an introvert, and she wrote from the perspective of an extrovert. The head to head was published exactly two months after the last day we were in the building. 

When I wrote it, I was pessimistic, but correct, about us not being able to go back to school during the 2019-2020 school year. I knew that we were in it for the long haul time-wise, but not emotionally. 

I was a sophomore when we first were told that we had to stay home for two weeks. I made the best of a bad situation and picked up some hobbies and started FaceTiming friends. I knew the isolation would be hard for the two grades above me, since their senior year wouldn’t be traditional, but I thought they could get over it. 

Now, as a senior, I can understand their perspective a little more. I’m grateful that I’ll have more of a senior year experience than they did, but the uncertainty of the Delta variant and whether we’ll be able to celebrate school traditions lingers. 

I’m lucky enough to be able to start my senior year in the building, but not being on the physical campus for classes for a year and a half will certainly be weird. I didn’t return to school at the end of last year. There were reasons I couldn’t go back to school in the spring, but I was also afraid of the change. Going back this year will be an adjustment filled with a lot of emotions, but it’s an adjustment I’m ready for.

The first few months of the pandemic gave me a sense of control. My classes and social life were suddenly condensed to a few boxes on a screen — a screen I could close almost any time I wanted to. I could finally spend time with myself, a skill that I picked up as an only child, but the pandemic tested this ability. I could keep myself busy for the first two months of the pandemic with schoolwork and the thrill of trying new hobbies, but two months turned into two summers, and now baking and Animal Crossing aren’t enough. 

In “Antisocial Distancing,” I had already started to figure out that Zoom would be important. I didn’t know that most of my growth during the pandemic would come from Zoom calls, and I really didn’t think it would come from other people. The people I’ve met through online programs and Zoom meetings changed me, not the hobbies or the time alone. 

My article preached the importance of solitude, and while I think that’s important for me as an introvert, I’ve realized it’s not something I can tell people to do. The pandemic shaped us all in different ways, and it wasn’t meant to be a self-improvement retreat. I wish I could go back and tell my early pandemic self to lower expectations for myself. To not strive for perfect days and perfect responses to every situation. To not plan for things to do when the pandemic ends, because it’s not going to be a clear cut ending.