In the hallways of Parker’s Upper School, navigating the complexities of romantic relationships while maintaining academic performance is a challenge many students face. As seniors prepare to leave high school behind, they reflect on how love has influenced their studies and personal growth.
“I’ve experienced this for myself,” senior Desi Molina said. “In a relationship, it can be hard to focus on other things that matter, such as school. And my friends have very similar problems.”
However, senior Dillon Madkins offers a different perspective.
“I’d say that my academics neither increased nor decreased due to my relationship,” Madkins said. “I believe that everyone will make time for what they truly want. A relationship requires lots of time, and in order to maintain one during junior, senior, or even freshman year, you need to finish your academics as soon as possible.”
Madkins suggests one might actually experience an increase in productivity while being in a relationship. He points out that if one partner is a high achieving student, the other might be inspired to work harder. And that if both partners are, they will keep holding each other to preexisting high standards.
Molina believes that high school relationships can make students lose track of their priorities, especially when they spend more time with their partners during free periods instead of using that time for work. Molina explains that free periods are fundamentally times when students should look forward to being productive, and that having someone you look forward to seeing “changes the core feeling about free periods.” With this logic in mind, the problem might be fixed when dating someone from a different school.
Caitlyn Howe, another senior, believes that while relationships can make academics harder, the issue is much more complex when both partners attend Parker. “Dating at school can sometimes get messy, especially since Parker has small classes,” said Howe. “If you have a breakup in a class of 14 people, it doesn’t just impact the couple. It can hurt the classroom experience for everyone.”
Howe makes sure to explain that same school dating isn’t always messy, but that Parker’s size makes it a particularly complex endeavor. Larger schools like Lane Tech and Lincoln Park are better environments for same school dating, according to Howe.
Molina echoed the sentiment about the emotional challenges of high school relationships in the school. “As teenagers, we are more likely to be toxic and nasty to each other. Gossip spreads fast and if it’s about you from someone you used to date, it hurts, and a hurt student can’t be a good student.”
Due to the size of the school, Molina also states the inability for students to get a clean break from a given ex. Seeing an ex in the hallway might preoccupy a student’s thoughts and take away mental power from their classes.
On the other hand, Madkins doesn’t see relationships affecting academics as negatively. “To my knowledge, no relationship I’m aware of has negatively impacted either party’s academics,” he stated. “Perhaps it’s the seriousness of the relationship that’s the biggest factor.” In Madkin’s opinion, when both individuals are dedicated to each other and to their education, it’s possible to balance the two without one undermining the other.
Howe adds another angle to the conversation regarding in-school vs out-of-school dating.
“Dating outside of school will make you more productive in school, but it might have the opposite effect where you spend time with them outside of school instead of doing work,” Howe said. “Parker couples might not feel that pressure to spend as much time together outside of school since they see each other every day.”
Howe says the in-school productivity boost from dating someone at a different school might be balanced out by a heavier tax on out-of-school productivity from different school couples than on same school couples.
Despite these challenges, Molina, Howe, and Madkins all agree that high school relationships are ultimately worth it.
“Dating in general makes it harder to be a good student,” Molina said. “But the good outweighs the bad, especially because with maturity, you can get to a point in the relationship where you guys fit into each other’s lives and aren’t sacrificing too many things to be together.”
Howe supports this view by pointing out the developmental benefits of being in a relationship. “It teaches you things about emotions and how to deal with yourself and how to grow.”
She adds that the possible impact on academic performance can be mitigated even if it does turn out to be a problem. “If productivity is such an issue, then have a study date, work next to each other in silence, and just enjoy each other’s presence.”
She even says that the awkwardness of a post-breakup class might be necessary.
“We are growing up, and should learn to deal with those feelings. As an adult, you will need to interact with people you do not like on a daily basis while needing to maintain productivity,” Howe said.
Senior Annoshae Mirza advises underclassmen to remember that their lives are multifaceted. “Your life is more than your social life, just like your life is more than school,” Mirza said. “Maybe right now your relationship is really important, but later your grades will be more important and maybe vice versa.” She wants them to stay aware of societal pressures and urges them to not “Get in a relationship with someone you don’t like just to be in a relationship”
“I was in a relationship, and I got cheated on. And it was definitely hard and it for sure impacted my academic performance. I was doing bad, I was in a bad place, and I wasn’t able to concentrate on my academics whatsoever,” a junior boy shared. He said that he eventually got over it but that the relationship was very short.
“If it had been longer, the aftermath probably would have been both longer and harsher too. Which might have had actual, serious consequences for me,” he said.
The experiences differ and the impact on academic performance does as well. Some students get a boost and others experience a severe dip, but the word of the day seems to be balancing. That balance may be hard to find at times and there are many factors at play, but as Molina put it, “With time, you learn to just… get it.”
