Young people often have a habit of searching for unfairness in their lives. I still remember being introduced to the “one person cuts, one person chooses” method when sharing food with my younger sister. Siblings fight over the sizes of their rooms, time in the bathroom before school, and who last chose the restaurant to get takeout from. One of the biggest questions of fairness that I have come up against is whether being an older or younger sibling is better. Being the eldest sibling in my family, I can’t know which situation is better, but at Parker, I think there is a clear and resounding answer. Being a younger sibling is significantly better.
At the most basic level, younger siblings can have a better understanding of the school itself. Their older siblings have taken elective classes, have teachers that they like more than others, and have been involved in clubs, publications, and sports.
At a higher level, the ability to connect with upperclassmen and receive leadership roles can be much easier. Even if someone is “Jonathan’s little sister,” at least they are in the “upperclassmen consciousness.” Most younger siblings probably disagree with me on that, but think about the Student Government election season. If a freshman is running for a position and there are upperclassmen who don’t recognize the name, they probably won’t click it while voting. Even if a senior has never talked to “Jonathan’s little sister,” there’s a better chance that she will get that senior’s vote.
As the first of my sisters to attend Parker, and being surrounded by peers with older siblings at the school, I can at times feel jealous about the advice, knowledge, and confidence that comes with having an older sibling at the school. Going into high school, I wish I knew that I should’ve probably taken computer science freshman year. I wish I had someone to teach me about how add/drop worked and encourage me to voice my opinions in Student Government. To this day I have never gotten up to a microphone to say something.
Student Government is an area of the Upper School where the sibling effect is especially advantageous. Having upperclassmen know your name or know that you would work hard in a leadership role is crucial to winning an election or landing a position. Student Government is also an area where advice during election season and while building campaigns can be especially helpful.
These advantages are accentuated at Parker more than other schools. I believe that this exists for two main reasons. The first reason is that Parker doesn’t have class ranks or give out academic awards. Becoming a valedictorian and receiving academic awards are two big accomplishments that many students work towards and are excited to show to colleges. In the absence of those opportunities, there is a heightened sense of importance placed on landing leadership roles in Student Government, Affinity Groups, Clubs, and other groups.
Another reason is because of our small student population. Junior Brady Kass is a SCOUT head and younger sibling of Quinn Kass, who graduated in the Class of 2024. He claims that “because this is a smaller school, it’s easier to make those personal connections. If it was a public school with thousands of students, not all of the things that I would apply for would be led by my sister’s friends. Not that all of the things I applied for were led by my sister’s friends, but a lot of them were,” said Kass. Because of Parker’s small student population, one sibling can provide connections into many organizations at the school. Compared to a school like Lane Tech with 1,500 students in every grade, one sibling would likely provide a connection into only one organization.
While I won’t go as far as calling it nepotism, there are definitely inherent advantages for younger siblings of students who have leadership roles. If an older sibling does their job well, the younger sibling comes into the high school with a good reputation. This reputation isn’t from their accomplishments in middle school – it’s from their association with their sibling. Already, these younger siblings have a head start on their paths to leadership roles.
As a younger sibling who acknowledges his head start, Kass said, “I don’t think I got SCOUT head just because I was Quinn’s little brother, but I do think it was helpful for them to be familiar with me and have a relationship with me before applying,” He added that, “it was helpful … that I was familiar with the people leading the organizations because they already knew me as an individual, and what my work ethic would be like.” This is what I believe separates the sibling effect at Parker from nepotism. Younger siblings are usually not elected solely because they are the younger sibling of someone. They are picked because they have possibly already established a relationship and good rapport with a head or are simply known to have a good work ethic.
However, I cannot ignore the fact that for many younger siblings, it is hard to live in the shadow of an older sibling at the same school. Some older siblings can be extremely over-achieving, making it hard for a younger sibling to find an extracurricular where their sibling hasn’t already left their mark. Being “Jonathan’s little sister” isn’t all that great if Jonathan is captain of the soccer team, Model UN head, and President of the Student Government. Younger siblings can struggle to feel like they have found their place if it feels as if they can’t reach the standard that their sibling has set for them in an extracurricular or role.
The sibling effect has caused me to experience many bouts of jealousy and express many complaints of unfairness. I am a person who struggles with thinking and complaining a lot about things that cannot be changed, which makes sense because here I am writing an entire article about how my birth order –– a completely unalterable circumstance –– has made me feel like I am missing out on countless advantages. In the case of this article, I hope that I am more so pointing out an integral part of our culture, and not just complaining.
It is important to bear in mind that, naturally, the advantages that I have stated above do not apply to all younger siblings. If someone’s older sibling has an incredibly intense sport out of school and doesn’t have time to involve themselves in any extracurriculars at school, it may be just as hard for a younger sibling to get a leadership role as an older sibling. It is also necessary to note that while I believe that it can be easier for some younger siblings to receive leadership roles, this does not mean that I believe that all younger siblings are not qualified and deserving of their role. Many are skilled at the roles they receive.
If some people call me petty for not being able to effortlessly feel content with the fact that most older siblings have to work much harder to achieve things in high school, I am ok with that. In the end, writing this article has reinforced the idea that putting myself out there is so incredibly important. For all the older siblings at Parker, I don’t want you to feel discouraged after reading this article. Instead, I hope that the importance of putting yourself out there is reinforced for you as well. Even if no one else notices how hard you are working, I promise I will.
