You guys, I just got into Harvard, Yale, AND Princeton!

No, I’m kidding. But wouldn’t it be a bit obnoxious if I said that to you?

As we seniors continue the school year, college seems to be on everyone’s mind. How do I know? Because everyone’s talking about it. As Mr. Bruno says, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and hearing about people getting into great schools makes me nervous about my own acceptances.

But that’s bound to happen. I can hardly blame people for talking about something that makes them emotional. What gets me annoyed is how students share news of acceptances.

I want to be clear: I’m not advocating for people to stop talking about colleges altogether. However, there are three specific actions I do take issue with. Firstly, people bragging about how good a school they got into is. Secondly, people humble-bragging about themselves or their college. And thirdly, people listing every single school they got into or talking about how many schools they got into.

I think it’s clear why bragging about an achievement can be annoying. The subtext of bragging is that you’re better than someone else, which is completely subjective and ignores how the college process works. Someone could be a genius but couldn’t afford test prep. Someone could have excellent grades but loses out to someone with career-oriented extracurriculars. There’s no way to quantify being better than someone else, so bragging about where you got into college is simply a reflection of your ego. This also ignores the fact that a school someone chooses to go to may be a perfect fit for them even if you don’t consider it prestigious.

Now, the second issue. Humble-bragging, which is defined as “making an ostensibly modest or self-deprecating statement with the actual intention of drawing attention to something of which one is proud.” It can be hard to spot because it’s mixed in with some people who are genuinely shocked by an achievement. Saying, “I can’t believe I got into this school” is not the same as saying, “I can’t believe I got into this school. I guess they’re letting anyone in now.” One expresses shock, and the other expresses shock then immediately devalues the achievement. This in turn diminishes the effort it took to get into the school, therefore implying that it would be unthinkable not to get in. So humble-bragging is still bragging. 

As for the third issue, my opinion might be controversial. People listing every single college they got into, or talking about how many acceptances they got, is very common. I find this annoying because I think it’s a form of bragging. Instead of bragging about your ability to get into a “high-quality” college, you’re bragging about your ability to get into many colleges. Newsflash: not everyone gets into all the colleges they applied to, so you listing every single acceptance is, in fact, bragging.

So why do I care about people bragging? In the case of college acceptances, I think it’s downright disrespectful. I’ll go ahead and make the generalization that every single senior in our grade puts hard work into their college applications. If you worked hard and got into your top school, good for you. Other people might have worked equally as hard or harder and not have gotten into their top school. To make yourself out to seem better than others who are working hard is gross.

If you measure someone’s worth by their ability to get into a good college, whatever. That’s your worldview. But some people don’t have the same value system as you. So to measure everyone by your perspective, that getting into a certain school is the peak of your high school life, is small-minded.

I don’t mean to say that everyone who brags is an awful person. I’m sure we’ve all bragged in our lives without realizing it, but impact is more important than intent. If your words or actions are repeatedly making people feel insecure or stressed, just stop.

But I get it, it’s nice to share good news with people. So here’s what I would recommend doing, and what I plan to do when, fingers crossed, I receive an acceptance I’m exceedingly happy about. Say something like, “Hey, I got into *school name here*, and I’m really excited”. With those words I’m talking about my personal feelings toward the acceptance, not about the decision or the college itself. If my goal really is to show off the school I got into, I’ve achieved this because schools have reputations that precede them.

I also don’t think that there’s anything wrong with sharing news on a platform that will reach many people. It’s normal for people to share their achievements, and I also find it nice to see people achieving their goals and being happy. What matters the most is the way you talk about your good news.

Exposure to excessive bragging can lead to problems like insecurity, imposter syndrome, and the heightening of existing mental health struggles like anxiety and depression. If you don’t believe me, ask a psychologist. And if you think it’s not your problem, you’re technically right. You’re not responsible for other students’ mental states, per se. But I ask you this: if it’s easy and won’t harm you to make a small change that benefits someone else, why not do it? I’m not asking that you stop talking about your achievements, which could make you sad to hold back. And I’m not asking you to cut out conversations about college, which would be difficult. It’s a simple and unobtrusive thing to choose sensitive words when sharing college news and in the rest of life.

So I implore you, be sensitive as you share college news. Post about it, talk about it, do what you want. But make sure to be a good sport about it. Nobody likes a sore winner, so maintain your respect and your reputation by staying gracious when you get into college.