I would be lying if I said I wasn’t slightly dreading Thanksgiving this year. I wasn’t dreading it because of awkwardness with family, because we all get along, nor was it about the food, because Uncle John is a pretty good cook, but rather, it was because I knew this would be the last time things would be the way they are. 

I have spent sixteen out of my seventeen Thanksgivings with my mom’s family on the East Coast,the exception being for COVID. Locations have changed, foods have adapted, and people have come and gone, but the one thing that stayed constant was my family, grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousins. This year, I would be feasting with them for what could be the last time for a long time, because next year, I’ll be somewhere else. The scary thing is, I don’t know where “somewhere else” is. Everything is changing, and that includes the comforting holiday of Thanksgiving. 

Sitting at the table in New York City, I knew I’d think more about it being my last Thanksgiving as a high schooler than about the food’s deliciousness. 

Thanksgiving has always been a time for my family to put our stress, exhaustion, and tension aside and come together to laugh. But more notably, it’s been a holiday where we’ve seen each other grow up. When I was five, I remember sitting near the life-sized stuffed tiger. At eleven, I played on my iPad with my little cCousin Noah. At thirteen, I refused to wear jeans or anything nice to Thanksgiving, and instead showed up in leggings and a knitted sweater. At sixteen, I started to get asked the “college questions.” At seventeen, I didn’t want Thanksgiving to end. 

Yes, I’m being super sappy and sentimental. You probably want to hear about food. But, while Thanksgiving is about food, it’s nothing without family and the clearest memories. I’ve chosen to focus more on what’s important, the stories, rather than the food that left me full and tired. 

This year, I put on my best Thanksgiving outfit: a skirt, tights, and a sweater. I’ve come really far from my thirteen-year-old leggings phase.! I came to UJ’s (Uncle John’s) house early, crafted a charcuterie board, and helped my cousin Noah set up the appetizer bar. I sat at the counter picking at the best bread and butter pickles I’ve ever had. 

When everyone else came, it was impossible to avoid the college conversations. As much as I wanted to be kind and accept the topic, all I wanted to do was live in the moment of Thanksgiving and think about what I have now: an awesome family, awesome food, and awesome memories. One time I fell down the stairs in front of my huge family at Thanksgiving. Another time I only ate cranberry sauce. I forced everyone to listen to me play Hot Crossed Buns on the grand piano. I thought I was the coolest person ever. 

I began to wonder how others will remember me. Hopefully as the awesome older cousin and the used-to-be-little chef-helper. I told UJ, “What if I surprised you and showed up for Thanksgiving next year?.” He said something along the lines of, “It wouldn’t be a surprise then because you just told me, but we’d obviously have tons of food for you, and you are always welcome.” So, maybe I’ll stick with my non-secretive secret plan. Or, I’ll head home and face the FOMO of being a college student. My little (well, not so little anymore) cousins would still enjoy Thanksgiving as always. Everyone would be together, and I wouldn’t be with them. My idea of what Thanksgiving would be like was shifting. Who would I celebrate with? Where? How? What traditions would we make? What traditions would I be invading in? Everything is uncertain. That’s kind of the theme for this year. 

With all the uncertainty, I was surprisingly comfortable at Thanksgiving this year. I felt the warmth of sitting with those closest to me, and doing the things we’d always done, like watching the Bears lose, naming the smoked and normal turkeys (Elphaba and Glinda), and eating mashed sweet potatoes. While I am excited for the future, a lot has to change. Thanksgiving was a wake-up call to the change in traditions I’ll be experiencing. East Coast Thanksgiving isn’t the standard anymore, so it’s time to create a new one. But, all those New York/New Jersey memories will remain bright and constant. And the food will definitely not be forgotten!