Halloween, New Year’s, Saint Patrick’s Day, and Fourth of July. Those are the four big offenders –the let-down holidays that have a ton of build up and are supposed to be the greatest nights of your life. Halloween is always a disappointment.

You spend all your time planning the perfect night, the perfect costume, the perfect party, and it’s always dissatisfying. So set your expectations lower. Expect a less than average night.

To be fair, I absolutely love the idea of Halloween. It used to be my favorite day of the year, above my birthday and Hanukkah. It’s so fun to be whoever you want to be for a night, to listen to Monster Mash on repeat, and scare the bejeebers out of yourself. But as I got older, the FOMO (fear of missing out) got worse, and the pressure of  having an amazing halloween grew with it.

No one ever really talks about the fact that most of time, Halloween sucks. If you’re a girl, you probably have succumbed to the societal pressure to wear a “barely there” costume. Thanks, society, now we’re going to be freezing.

The beginning of the end of Halloween for me was when I was 11 and trick-or-treating. I’ve always been tall for my age, but at around 11 I was really starting to tower over my friends. I was not used to it.

We went up to these middle-aged men handing out candy on their stoop (every parent’s imagination of the safest Halloween) and lined up to retrieve our candy. When it was my turn, one of the men looked me straight in the eyes and squinted. He told me I was too tall to be 11 and he doesn’t give candy to older kids. Why didn’t I stand up for myself? I don’t know. I have the same question. But having to ask it is just another reason Halloween sucks.

On Halloween everyone is constantly appraising you, no matter who you are and what you look like at the time. So even though you can technically be whoever you want for the night, as I got older I realized you can never escape people judging you–and pretending you’re someone you’re not just makes it worse, not better.

Last year I planned to go to four different Halloween parties. Zero out of four wound up as part of my night. I ended up violently shivering on the streets of Loyola in my way-too-provocative costume because my friend, let’s call her “Elizabeth,” was sure “the college kids would totally want us at their parties.”

I tell myself I’m a spontaneous person, so I figured, okay, we’ll go along and then get right back on schedule. Wrong idea. It’s surprisingly really hard for 12 practically naked teenage girls to find an uber at 2:00 am up at Loyola. I’m pretty sure at one point someone had to pee in the bushes. Not fun. That is what the desperation for a spontaneous, adventurous, cool Halloween night gets you.

I’m tired of going to Barnes and Noble, Pumpkin Spice Latte in hand, and flipping through children’s books until I find an animal appropriate to ruin for children everywhere. I’m tired of spending days in the group chat planning out my coordinated, not remotely creative costume and where I’ll meet to spend an hour taking pictures of it.

Halloween is basically New Year’s Eve, but worse because you have to spend money on a costume. If I try too hard, I will look like a dork, but if I don’t try hard enough, I will get teased about being lame for the entire night.  

Parker students need to know that it’s okay to have a disappointing Halloween. In fact, you should expect it. Don’t plan anything too extreme–you’re better off just doing the usual and eating some candy while you do it.