From a young age we are told that it’s what’s on the inside that matters. I’m calling BS on that.

No one’s giving out awards for “best personality.” In middle school they tell you that hard work is the key to success, but in high school I’ve come to realize that that is a lie on par with Santa Claus.

Popularity is a privilege that will help you more than anything else to achieve success.  While hard work and kindness are important, popularity opens doors. For example, there’s a girl in school, one of my friends actually, that is so pretty that I’m relatively sure that when I’m next to her I am physically invisible to anyone looking at us. Even her name is sexier than mine. It’s exotic and provocative.  It slides off your tongue like she’s an old classic movie star.

What did my parents stick me with? Jessi Lieb. Bleh. Let’s call this girl, I don’t know, Cassandra. When Cassandra has something to say, it’s as if Jesus himself is preaching about US History. When someone else speaks, everyone continues thinking about the next point they want to make per usual.

The “halo effect” refers to “the habitual tendency of people to rate attractive individuals more favorably for their personality traits or characteristics than those who are less attractive,” according to The Sage Encyclopedia of Social Science Research Methods. I always knew this was a thing, I just didn’t know it was scientifically proven.

Especially for women, we are told that this world is a meritocracy, and it should be, but it’s not yet. Hillary lost. How qualified, talented, and competent you are doesn’t matter as much as it should. How popular you are and what connections you have are what dictate power today. This is mirrored in our high school just as much as it is in our national politics.

When I brought this up at a lunch table with my friends recently, I immediately got eight nods of agreement and statements of “Oh that’s so true” in return. One of my friends, however, tilted her head and said, “Oh I don’t know if that’s true.” She paused. “OK, maybe it is true, but why do we have to acknowledge it? It’s so sad.” I don’t think that we should think it’s so sad. The sad part is that we pretend like it doesn’t exist. I don’t think it would bother me as much if we just acknowledged it.

My ultimate point is this: We need to work on embodying the saying “It’s what’s on the inside that matters.” Right now, we don’t. At all. And the first step to embracing this is admitting that cooler people have the privilege of being cool.

No matter how many doors popularity and good looks do open, however, people will eventually recognize that they would rather invest their time in someone who is a good person than in someone who merely looks pretty. And the further we get out of high school, the less prominent this disparity becomes. And that’s where we have the advantage. Plus, they’ll realize standing next to you makes them look better.