I’m, like, so excited to go to prom. I’ve had my shoes picked out for months, and my dress for longer. I can’t wait to get my nails and hair done, and take a ridiculous amount of pictures with my friends. But, the more prom enters conversations, the more it dominates the consciousness of juniors and seniors, and the more I feel like the idea of prom is archaic.

Around the 1940s is when the prom (short for “promenade”) that we know, a fancy high school dance, started to become commonplace.

During this decade, many social practices we take for granted were unacceptable–interracial or homosexual couples, for instance. In fact, as recently as 1994, an Alabama principal threatened to cancel prom if an interracial couple came, according to Time Magazine. Some schools still ban same-sex couples from attending prom.

Of course Parker is much more progressive than this, and the thought of our current administration disallowing gay couples to go to prom is ridiculous. But that doesn’t mean that we are immune to the social conventions of prom, most of which are rooted in the very sexist ideal that a man has the power in a relationship.

The first glaring tradition is that of “prom asks.” I’ve only ever heard of or seen three girls ask their dates to prom, rather than the other way around–and two of those were in same-sex couples. Guys are totally expected to do the ask. And they have to be funny or cute or entertaining, and they end up costing money. That’s a lot to ask of someone!

And while the thought of my being the one who has to do the asking makes me vaguely ill, I still think that the burden of the ask shouldn’t be arbitrarily placed on the person who is seen by society as the “dominant one”–which typically amounts to the one with the penis.  

And that doesn’t even include gay couples! If both people are girls, then who is supposed to do the asking? And if both people are guys? What about gender non-binary people? There’s no rule for this.

But in my mind, that’s the way it should be. Rules are constricting. If someone has a good ask idea, they should do the asking! Half of my girlfriends came up with the ask for their friends’ dates. It’s not like women are bereft of prom ask ideas. Whoever thinks of their ask first and executes it should do the ask! Most people know who they’re going with before anyone “promposes,” so why not just decide who will ask when you decide who you’re going with?

And then, speaking of gender roles, guys are expected to pay for tickets for themselves and their dates. This is one of the most frustrating traditions in the dating world. Don’t get me wrong, I love that guys are willing to pay for me, but the fact that it’s rooted in the idea that women do not have the means to pay for themselves is insulting. Okay, maybe in the early 1900s this was true, but why can’t we just pay for ourselves in this day and age? I mean honestly, it would be more economically savvy.

And besides, when one person gets the ticket, there’s an underlying insinuation that the date owes them. That’s kind of a scary and unhealthy dynamic.  Of course girls are expected to pay for trolleys, but that’s only 12 dollars per person, compared to tickets, which cost 75 dollars each.

After all of the excitement of asks and tickets, there’s the actual night of prom. I asked one of my guy friends, and he said that on the night of, he was going to shower and then put on his rented tux–thirty minutes, max. Thirty minutes! I’m not sure if this is a universal boy thing, but if it is, I’m so jealous. One of my friends literally said she was having stress dreams about not having found a place to get her hair done before prom.

I plan on taking at least three hours to shower, get my hair and makeup done, and put on my dress. And to be sure, none of this is inexpensive–you’re expected to shell out hundreds of dollars for this one night. This is definitely based on the sexist ideals that our society is built on (girls have to look hot, all the time), but prom exacerbates this problem.

Despite all of this, I’m so excited for prom. I’m going to take part in all of the sexist stereotypes, and I’m going to love it. I’m not saying the fun of prom should be diminished.

I think that a lot of the problems I’ve identified with prom are more a result of the sexist country we live in, and less a result of prom at Parker, and so I’m also not saying that it’s Parker’s fault that prom is sexist.

I am, however, saying that the culture should make a change.

In terms of asks, girls should start asking guys. Genderfluid people should ask guys. Guys should start asking guys. Girls should start asking girls. Guys, if they want, should ask girls. And there should not be any pressure on either party to be the one to make a move. It should be a fun, voluntary thing, not one more way for high school to be stressful. Dates should split the price of tickets and trolleys. Logistically, maybe it’ll be a little harder. I’ll admit, it is a bit of a comfort to know that I don’t have to do the ask or buy the ticket. But, hey, smashing gender roles was never marketed as a comfortable experience.