Throughout my adolescent years, I’ve heard a dangerous but common expression echoing through the hallways of Parker: “Did you slay her?” When I first heard someone say this, I immediately thought, “Slay? Like slaying a dragon?” In response to my question, people would give me strange looks, and some would chuckle. These responses only made me more curious about this problematic expression, which I began to hear more and more. Doesn’t “slaying” mean to conquer?

That expression is a prime example of toxic masculinity, which is defined as “a specific model of manhood, geared towards dominance and control. It’s a state of mind for men that views women and LGBT people as inferior, sees sex as an act not of affection but domination, and which valorizes violence as the way to prove one’s self to the world,” according to Amanda Marcotte in her article in “Salon.” Toxic masculinity is not only terrifying, unfortunately–it is also quite common.  Even at Parker.

During Gender Dialogues last year, when I was seated in the auditorium, I heard snickering from a group of male classmates. At first I tried to ignore it, but something about it seemed malicious. After a while, a derogatory comment reached my ears from yet another group of all male students who had also been snickering.

Although Gender Dialogues may not have been a perfect event, it still offered relevant and serious content, but students like those who were snickering believe that such topics are pointless.

I can’t really point out the exact moment when I first noticed toxic masculinity at Parker. It seems as though it has always been present, in varying degrees and in some grades more than others.

For a long period, I wanted to believe it didn’t exist at Parker. I didn’t want to believe that some female students were so afraid of the sophomore bench that they would take indirect routes to get to their classes. I just couldn’t understand: How could a school that is so progressive also be an incubator for such grotesque behavior?

Men are also affected by toxic masculinity, just in a different way. Any sensitivity or vulnerability that they display will be seen and exploited by other male classmates. Whether it’s wearing a traditionally feminine color or wanting something more than a casual sexual encounter, they will be verbally or emotionally attacked—even by their friends.

As a school, we need to acknowledge this problem, which is definitely challenging. It’s painful to realize that our motto “Everything to Help, Nothing to Hinder” is just that, a motto. When someone wasn’t looking, aggression and self-consciousness must have quietly infected someone and then spread. Each male student has to become aware that toxic masculinity is present in many of our daily interactions and that we are sometimes the perpetrators.

Parker should also take a more proactive approach with lower school students by immediately discouraging practices of toxic masculinity, such as the undermining of females and the mockery of sensitivity.  Incoming students should immediately be briefed on Parker’s policy pertaining to toxic masculinity in order to eliminate outside influence.

Although it may take a while to eradicate toxic masculinity from our school, at least by the time I graduate I want nobody to be saying, “Did you slay her?