Gender dialogues are a crucial step in fixing our toxic gender dynamic. These dialogues, however, are dominated by women. Not only that, but we ask men only to speak in response to a woman’s comment, rather than to voice an independent thought.

When we tell men not to talk about gender without the presence of women, we are essentially telling them that gender is a women’s issue. We are saying that a man’s contribution to the conversation is not valid unless it is in response to a woman’s, and thus that men do not have a responsibility to engage in gender discourse on their own.

When men speak up in conversations about gender, they are often vilified as “silencers.” They get attacked for speaking over women, as if their only role in a conversation about gender is to listen.

And they should listen, and in some cases men genuinely are acting as silencers. But they should also be able to voice their own perspective. Men too can be victims of a toxic gender dynamic, as is clearly demonstrated by toxic-masculinity.

When we make gender a women’s issue by pushing men out of the conversation, we sacrifice the valuable contributions of half the population. Not only do we lose that perspective, but we also prevent ourselves from addressing issues that may be more prevalent in that community.

Here at Parker, we often fall into this trap. When we have gender dialogues, it is consistently the same group of students speaking up. We have heard their perspectives. We need to hear others. And one of those other perspectives that we are currently lacking is the perspective of men.

Having gender conversations with men is necessary in promoting gender equality. We need men in the conversations to develop nuanced perspectives and provide diversity of thought. In order to be in these conversations, men need to be able to voice their perspectives and work through new ideas.

It’s hard to develop nuanced perspectives, but one way is by talking through ideas that aren’t fully formed. This is a risky endeavor because it means saying things that you’re not totally sure of, and possibly saying something socially incorrect.

It can sometimes be uncomfortable to take these types of risks in a conversation with someone that you might accidentally offend. Still, these risks need to be taken in order to develop refined perspectives.

And so we run into a problem during gender dialogues. On the one hand, men need to develop new ideas just as much as the women in the conversation. On the other hand, it can be scary for men to take the steps necessary to develop those new ideas, for fear of offending women.

It seems that we need to create a new space for men to talk about gender. It needs to be a place where men feel comfortable dipping their toe in without fearing that they may accidentally fall in hot water.

One option would be to host male-only dialogues. Hosted by knowledgeable men, these could be small group discussions for men to develop new ideas and explore their thoughts in a safe space. These more private conversations might bring out more voices and allow more men to get involved in the issue of gender equality.

Of course, we must be careful not to leave women out of the conversation completely. Never speaking to an entire group about any topic will create a skewed perspective. However, we need to bring men into the conversation somehow–otherwise the perspective on gender will remain skewed towards women.