If you ever read any of my columns, or ask any of my friends, you’ll get the idea that I like to take the “other side” of things (my previous articles have included why I love being grounded and how I wish the Cubs never won the World Series–I’ve gotten into my fair share of debates). For me, it’s almost like a game—try to convince others, and sometimes yourself, of the unaccounted-for, often unpopular opinion.

But I didn’t realize the magnitude or importance of my “hobby” until recently.

I’m not one to talk politics, but it’s hard for anyone to be apolitical at an emotional time like this. Slowly but surely, things seem to be falling apart. The country is split in half, and that’s not the worst of it. Each half thinks the other is stupid, or simply fails to recognize their presence.

I’ve come to a conclusion about this. The world needs more devils’ advocates. Here’s what I’ve learned over the years. Maybe this will convince you to become one.

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1. The most important stretching has to do with a different kind of muscle: your heart.

At one point in our lives, we are all told to stretch. Stretch before your soccer game to avoid any injuries. Stretch your legs, you’ve been sitting too long.   

Maybe the most important thing that anyone has ever said to me was to stretch. I was eight, and I couldn’t understand why some people gave up their babies for adoption. When my eight year old self thought of babies, I saw only their wide, innocent eyes. I asked my grandmother about it.  Who would possibly give that away?

My grandmother looked up from her puzzle and said, “Stretch your heart.”

Looking back, what she told me to do was complex–but not for an eight year old. I took to it right away, realizing that babies are much more complicated than innocent, adorable eyes.

Being able to extend your heart so it can reach perspectives and considerations formerly unbeknownst to you is all there is to being a devil’s advocate. Stretch it until it almost breaks. That’s when you really get to understand the world, or come to the conclusion that we understand nothing.

2. Passion is overrated.

I understand that saying this is borderline heresy. From a young age, we are told that passion will be the guiding light in our lives, the thing that we can always count on. And sure, much of that is true. But over time, I’ve learned that too much of it is dangerous.

Passion makes you stubborn. When passion’s “guiding light” is too bright, the shadow is equally as dark. It closes you off from everyone else’s opinions but your own.

The hardest part of being a devil’s advocate is surrendering yourself to the other side. You can’t go in with the armor of past experiences or too many preconceived notions. The more vulnerable or open your stance, the more willing you are to venture into the unaccounted for, the better.

That involves putting your passion for the subject away temporarily.

3. Grey is my favorite color.

One would think that always advocating for the side you don’t necessarily believe in would only further solidify your true opinion in the argument. And that seeing all the sides and rooting out all possible viewpoints would establish your own true belief even more.

But like most things in life, it’s more complicated than that. I learned this from Lino, a Boston terrier.

I hate small dogs. Chihuahuas, Malteses, or any breed that ends in “poo” will greet me at the gates of hell. And they hate me back–I’ve been bitten too many times to count by the little brats. This mutual distaste has led to fewer and fewer meetings–until last year, when a drooling Boston terrier came tearing down my hallway. I had to dogsit.

Lino was everything I hated. He drooled, he snored, and he was no taller than my calf. Yet after a week of dog-sitting, we became attached. His gargoyle-like bug-eyes and meaty legs are now my phone’s screensaver.

I still hate small dogs. But what I’ve learned is that the human condition prevents us from being completely “for” one particular thing or completely “against” another. We have too many brain cells, or soft spots, for such concrete partiality.

My favorite part of advocating for “the other side” comes when you find something you agree with in the process.  I’m not saying when you have a revelation that Pepsi is better than Coke, but when you find a piece of your argument with which you really resonate.

No matter how much you think you believe in something, we will forever be dancing in a sometimes scary, but always comforting, grey area. Lines will always be blurred. And I love that.

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Now, don’t get me wrong–I’m not against passionately standing for something. Activism is cool, and in many ways it can help define us. Just take a look in any history book, and you’ll see the exponential power in the courage and strength of a person’s belief. By all means, keep fighting for what you think is right.

But it is important to remember that for the infinite number of debates that we come across during our lifetime, there is an equally infinite number of ways to be right. Or, for that matter, an equally infinite number of ways to be wrong. The important part is for us to allow for more than one answer.

My challenge to you: take the other side. Stretch yourself and use love to fuel your curiosity. In the end, maybe you’ll live in a world where ideas aren’t so alien. Where opinions aren’t so outlandish. Where the world’s not so dark.

But hey, I may be wrong.