Every year when the 1st of October comes, I can feel a little extra spring in my step. It’s not simply that I enjoy the crisp fall air, the changing leaves, the arrival of pumpkin spice lattes at Starbucks, or that the end of soccer season is finally in sight (sorry Curran). For me, the excitement that arrives every year at this time is because I know that Halloween, one of my favorite holidays, is just around the corner. Over the years this holiday has come to represent different things for me.

I have distinct and special memories from my early childhood Halloween celebrations. Choosing the perfect costume was extremely important. I deliberated my options for weeks.

What would most accurately depict my current interests and values? Would it be a superhero to demonstrate my courage and cunningness (first grade, Batman)?  A rock star or celebrity to reveal my inner cool guy (second grade, Soulja Boy)? It was more than the opportunity to dress up, but the chance to embody someone else’s character that felt so significant. Trying on those different personas felt great to lower school me. And that the choice, so long as appropriate (thanks Mom and Dad), was completely my own.

Those early Halloweens were also special because of the new freedom I felt on that very special night. It was really one of the first times that I can remember my parents allowing me to walk around my neighborhood without adult supervision. However, my favorite Halloweens were the ones where I trick-or-treated in my friends neighborhood, reconnoitering parts of the city I had little to no familiarity with.  I loved being able to run around the streets, exploring on my own––running around in a pack with my friends made it even better.

It gave us that first taste of what it would feel like to be independent, messing around throughout the city on our own. And if my friends and I happened to play a few harmless tricks (ding, dong, ditch) or go back to a house that doled out full sized candy bars for a second or third time, that just added to the fun. The rules could be bent just a bit because, well, it was Halloween.

Even just the time around Halloween felt special. It gave me a sense of confidence. I remember one year going to my friend’s house and watching the horror movie “Sinister” with all my friends. Some of my friends left the room prior to the viewing, but I was feeling brave and decided to stay. That movie scared me for the next three months. Even though it tortured me for some time, I still looked at it as a positive experience. It was a classic Halloween style memory, and I was glad I had watched it.

Halloween definitely looks different for me these days, however. I wish I could take the night off to dive in and properly celebrate like I used to, but homework and other commitments make it harder to do so. And if I dress up at all, it will most likely be a last minute decision on the way out the door to a party. But Halloween is still something that I look forward to. I know I am only sixteen years old, but life feels far less carefree than it did when I was dressing up like the Power Rangers.

Even if I do not indulge in candy to the point of making myself sick, I will be sure to eat some of my favorites––Kit-Kats, Crunch Bars, Milky Ways, Sour Patch Kids––and they will taste sweeter than they do on other days of the year. I will make sure to find time to wear a funny costume and act ridiculous with my friends. And I will definitely watch a scary movie, one that makes me want to look away and causes me to check under the bed before going to sleep for at least a month. Now, Halloween makes me enjoy feeling like a kid.