Marriage is an ancient institution. Seen by many as the ultimate commitment, marital laws and customs have evolved over time. In ancient Greece, marital ceremonies included a procession in which the young bride traveled via chariot from her house to that of her future husband, followed by crowd of friends and family. Today, marriage is practiced in a myriad of ways around the globe.
Some couples put on fancy, extravagant weddings––complete with colossal cakes and endless guest lists. Others opt to filling out forms at a courthouse. Some couples end up separating. For spouses that divorce years after their marriage, the split may have social, emotional, and logistical implications for their children.

For juniors Caroline Conforti and Estelle Heltzer, and seniors Elisabye Slaymaker and Lila Schatz, parental divorce is a reality. The four joined forces to create SPLIT, a support group for Upper School students with separated or divorced parents. SPLIT — originally conceived by Schatz and Slaymaker — became a club this fall, with Upper School English teacher Cory Zeller as the faculty sponsor.

“Typically, divorce is something that professional therapists and counselors take care of,” Schatz said. “We thought it was a good idea to have a space that’s just for students. Even though nobody can professionally advise the other, we offer the first-hand perspective, and in that way, we can all relate to one another.”

During the first SPLIT meeting on October 4, students gathered around a table to speak about common issues relating to the separation of their parents. The meeting began with introductions in which students explained their parents’ current marital status. From here, the group proceeded to discuss prompts written on a whiteboard at the front of the room.

“It’s important to have a club like this because people find commonalities and people they can relate to that are outside of the family,” junior Raven Rothkopf, who attended SPLIT’s first meeting, said. “Parents getting divorced takes a toll on your emotional health. It’s good to talk about those feelings with other people that can relate.”

According to the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth, conducted by the Center for Disease Control, between 2011-2015, 53% of couples that had been married for 20 years faced a marital disruption, either by separation, divorce, or death. In the U.S., the divorce rate has been increasing for years.

“Naming the fact that we have families that aren’t whole units, and providing a space for students to meet and talk,” Zeller said, “is a great first step.” Zeller, a child of divorce herself, admits that talking about her parent’s divorce was a difficult topic, and the issue can still be challenging for children to discuss. “We were one of about two families I knew of that had divorced parents,” Zeller said. “I didn’t want to tell people my parents were divorced. It just wasn’t that common. Even in 2018, where half of marriages fall apart, we don’t talk about it much.”

Schatz also realizes that divorce can be a difficult conversation for some children. “Divorce is a very sensitive topic,” Schatz said. “People choose not to talk about it because they think it’s something they should keep to themselves. I think it’s a lot more productive to talk.”

Upper School Counselor and Health teacher Binita Donohue understands the importance of professional help for children who are experiencing parental divorce, but also believes that some students are reluctant to seek it out. “A lot of kids come to school and they don’t want the outside world to impact them,” Donohue said. “Some kids find it super supportive to go to somebody and talk about it or to have the knowledge that their teachers are informed.”

As for the future of the club, Schatz is hopeful. “I hope that kids can get out of their comfort zone when it comes to talking about situations with their parents,” Schatz said. “It’s underappreciated how helpful it is to have an outlet to talk to kids that can relate. I hope that we can make a difference at Parker.”