Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year. For as long as I can remember, it’s gone like this: I go for a run or play two hand touch football then spend all day cooking for the 15-or-so people who usually end up seated around our dining room table.

But Thanksgiving can also be a source of great stress, both for me and for others who celebrate the holiday around the country. For people who don’t find the same joy in cooking that I do, the holiday brings massive anxiety surrounding meal planning and preparing. And the idea of extended family-time––and extended-family time––tends to clench the fists and heighten the heart rates of many people I know.

Basically every popular TV show ever has a Thanksgiving episode where tensions boil over between hungry or intoxicated dinner guests. Whenever I hear the words of Jason Derulo’s “Whatcha Say,” I’m brought back to freshman year, when I listened to the song as the soundtrack of Season 3, Episode 11 of “Gossip Girl” (“The Treasure of Serena Madre,” if you’re interested). The drama in that episode mesmerized my fourteen-year-old mind and is unforgettable to this day. (Without giving specific spoilers: Lies. Secrets. Affairs. Dished ALL OVER THE PLACE.)

When you dig below the stuffing––both the Thanksgiving side and your face––Thanksgiving seems to be rife with self-contradiction. We’re told Thanksgiving is a celebration, an observance of gratitude, but the holiday is rooted in the pillage and plunder of Native American towns by the Pilgrims, a fact which is discussed at few dinner tables, and these days it seems more about indulgence than giving thanks. We’re told to surround ourselves with loved ones and simply enjoy each other’s company, but oftentimes, a family gathering around the dinner table ends in uncomfortable conversation at best and full-fledged family fights at worst.

It’s undoubtedly hard to reconcile what we want Thanksgiving to be––a happy, appreciative occasion––with the fact that it is rooted in ruthlessness, that the Pilgrims broke bread at the expense of Native Americans, who continue to suffer the consequences of colonization over 500 years later. For some families, it may be even more difficult if attempts at affection are marred by polar politics or touchy topics.

I don’t know how to rectify the disparities that exist in the theory and practice of Thanksgiving. In an increasingly complex, cynical, sensitive time, I wonder if such a solution is even achievable. It feels to me as though society is out of practice when it comes to giving thanks. We are increasingly skeptical of others’ motives. Kind words or gestures seem few and far between or are repudiated on the basis that the gesture is in it for personal gain.

So this Thanksgiving, I implore everyone to interpret the meaning of Thanksgiving literally. Recognize what you usually take for granted, and say “thank you” for it. Thank the cashier bagging your groceries, whether you’re a week early or taking a last-minute shopping trip because you forgot the cranberries. Thank your uncle for bringing green bean casserole. Thank the person sitting next to you at the dinner table for the conversation you had during dinner. Thank your parents for doing the dishes. As you give these thanks, consider that reverting to the simplest way to exhibit gratefulness may make your Thanksgiving all the more pleasant.