Immediately following the announcement of Parker’s 40 million dollar endowment, the P.E department began planning for the reveal of a new addition to the P.E. curriculum. Along with step aerobics, volleyball, and Mat&Mind, Parker will offer Wii bowling as an upper school class.

     “Growing up, I bowled in a league,” P.E Department Chair Jan Zoufal said. “Our team was called ‘Great Balls of Fire,’ and I averaged 155 a game, quite good. My shoes and my ball were both mother of pearl. They matched.”

Zoufal initially proposed actual bowling at the Waveland Bowl on Western Avenue, but the administration denied the proposal based on risks to students’ feet, both from dropped bowling balls and fungal diseases spread by communal bowling shoes.

“They spray some sort of disinfectant in the shoes,” Nurse Anne said, “but the powers that be are concerned it’s ineffective against planter’s wart.”

Physical Education teacher Terry Davis supports the new offering, “Wii bowling is just as good or better than real bowling,” Davis said. “It’s surprisingly rigorous, and you need a supple wrist.”

A parent focus group expressed concern for this addition to the curriculum, worried that students in this course would not be receiving the same cardio workout as the students in other P.E. classes.

“We will be focusing on the same set of skills as our badminton class,” a furious Zoufal asserted. “These include swatting and not moving the lower halves of our bodies.”