Editor’s Note: The piece below was published in The Weekly’s 2018 “Joke Issue.” All content, quotations, and other editorializations are entirely fictitious. 

Vinegar-soaked leaves dripped juices onto a table in the Kolver Library, where Librarian Annette Lesak was seen eating. Lesak simply chomped along, with no idea what could occur next.

The Kolver Library has a strict no-food rule, heavily enforced by Lesak, who thought she could easily eat her lunch there in private. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

On February 23, Lesak was hungry, and feeling too tired after a long week to leave the library. “I just wanted to eat,” Lesak said. “I was really hungry. Why couldn’t I eat in peace?”

She took her lunch, consisting of her favorite pickled bok choy, and hid in one of the study rooms available to students. “I love pickled bok choy,” Lesak said. “It’s the perfect mix of salty and crunchy.”

She stacked the majority of the library’s books on the window, so as to not be seen. Lesak said, “Looking at it now,” Lesak said, “I see how that might have been suspicious.”

Freshman Leila Sheridan, a constant library attendee who was looking for books to help her study, noticed all the books were gone. “I opened the study room, and when I saw her there eating, I couldn’t believe what I saw,” Sheridan said. “I was speechless, truly shocked. I ended up fainting and woke up a week later in Nurse Anne’s office.”

Sheridan was able to snap a photo that she sent around, and many others were shocked as well. Librarian Mary Coleman, who works alongside Lesak, also couldn’t believe it.

“We librarians always eat lunch together in the hallway,” Coleman said. “I feel betrayed that she ditched me, but also broke our biggest rule. I don’t know if I can ever trust again.”

After Lesak was turned in, high school students were angered. Instead of Student Government the next Friday, February 30, exactly one week after the incident, the period was dedicated to a protest against the rule of no food in the library. Students could be seen roaming the hallways holding signs and yelling chants, some consisting of, “Hungry? Or hypocritical?” and “Librarians Lie!”

The protest received support from the school, including Principal Dan Frank.“I am shocked by what happened,” Frank said. “I do support the student movement and attended the protest myself. I made a sign that said, ‘Bok Choy is Betrayal.’”

Lesak has not yet given an apology, and it is unclear if one is on the way.