Editor’s Note: The piece below was published in The Weekly’s 2018 “Joke Issue.” All content, quotations, and other editorializations are entirely fictitious. 

Parker parent Ali Kagan walks into the Kovler family library and sees things she’s never seen in a school’s library before. Next to a row of books sits a machine wired to an 11th graders’ head, reading his thoughts. On the opposite side of the library, she hears 2 fifth graders laughing as they quietly ask Alexa questions such as “will you count to infinity?” and “Are you married?” Last time Kagan was here, it was mostly just books and a couple ipads here and there.

The mind-reading machine, which was mentioned in detail on January 30, at Pritzker Visiting Scientist Rick Stevens’ talk, was created by Japanese researchers, and is able to recreate things people think of in their head, while they are looking at images of ducks and whales. They do this by using a fMRI scanner, which is a machine that detects changes of blood flow in the brain.

“This will be an incredible way to give students a glimpse into what science is really able to do,” upper school Science Teacher Xiao Zhang said. “ Having this technology at our reach at Parker will really give students a lot of learning opportunities.”

Some of the first things installed in the library were 3D printers, computers, and chargers throughout the whole space. Although these were major steps into making the library a technologically advanced space, librarian Annette Lesak, following requests from several students and parents, decided to look for new options to further modernize.

Lesak had her opinions on the future of the library. “I really like the path we have taken to make this learning space better,” Lesak said. “However, I think we need to ride the wave of progress, and this machinery and tech is the next step to accomplishing this.”

Student reactions to these changes differ widely. “Parker is really serving our community well,” sophomore Matthew Turk said. “Technology is what drives our world, and bringing it to students is gonna help get us a step ahead.”

Freshman Matthew Garchik felt differently. “This is preposterous,” Garchik said. “It’s a waste of money, a waste of time, and I just think that we could get practical technology– like more ipads and go pros– that actually benefits us, and helps to make life easier at school.”

Another thing that students have been petitioning for is 3D food printers, which involves putting the ingredients into capsules, which in turn can produce food. Librarians complain this will violate the policy of no food in the library, and this issue has not been debated yet.

Principal Dan Frank explained his thoughts. “I think the key for administrators and students as well is strike a balance between enriching the curriculum with new technology and ways of learning, while at the same time, not going overboard with the things we choose to bring to Parker,” Frank said.  “Sometimes letting students learn in a more natural way is what helps them best, but that’s really up to the student.”