Editor’s Note: The piece below was published in The Weekly’s 2019 “Joke Issue.” All content, quotations, and other features are entirely fictitious.

During one Student Government in early January, sophomores Scarlett Pencak, Leila Sheridan and junior Paige Shayne stood behind the podium, introducing their new proposal: physical education exemption for Soul Cycle. The three based their proposal on several claims, such as: a considerable majority of the high school goes to Soul Cycle regularly and that the workout, that has “revolutionized indoor cycling and taken the world of fitness by storm,” according to the company’s website, is far more rigorous than badminton or any of the court sports. The girls also noted that Latin allows gym exemption for Soul Cycle and that as rivals, Parker must allow follow trend.

Within their proposal, which was also edited by sophomore girls and friends close to Pencak and Sheridan, they proposed subsidizing brunch afterwards and validating their Soul Cycle classes through Snapchat stories of the Soul Cycle neon lights. The proposal also had a clause allowing to change gym uniforms from the grey shirts and blue shorts to Lululemon leggings with the Soul Cycle logos with a corresponding matching tank top. The three are still deciding clothing options for men.

After the three introduced their proposal, senior Sophia Saker asked a question during the Student Government questions period. “You do realize many of the students at Parker can not afford to go to Soul Cycle every other day?” Saker said.

Shayne quickly responded to Saker’s concern of Soul Cycle’s cost. “Soul Cycle is a sport,” Shayne said. “It’s actually more of a transformative experience for me. That really is why the price is so high.”

The floor was then open to a comments’ period where many students voiced their concerns and affirmations for this proposal. Many people have come out to support the proposal, specifically many boys in the high school who look forward to what they describe as “the perfect leg workout” that they have “long been looking for.”

Several gym teachers, including Pat McHale have also voiced their support for this proposal. “As an interval training teacher, I know what’s good and bad high intensity interval training,” McHale said. “Soul Cycle is definitely one of the best! I tried it last summer and loved it! It’s helped me a lot, spiritually too. Now, I’m there every other day. Catch me on bike number 6 and try to keep up!”

The section of the proposal that has caused the greatest concern is about the school’s subsidization of brunch afterwards. Due to dietary concerns and allergies, there was initial pushback on this section. The three girls who began the proposal are currently working to iron out the kinks of this section with upper school dean Christian Bielizna and Student Government faculty advisor Jeanne Barr. Despite these obstacles, Sheridan persists. “Soul Cycle and brunch are a package deal,” Sheridan said. “ We will work hard to work out this section and get this proposal passed.”