Editor’s Note: The piece below was published in The Weekly’s 2019 “Joke Issue.” All content, quotations, and other editorializations are entirely fictitious. 

– Parker Student Takes ACT with Standard Time
– Student Completes Common App Without Including Student
Government Committee Leadership
– Dr. Frank Ventures Beyond Administrative Hallway
– Parker Model UN Surprised to Find Conference on Exotic Trip
– Student Reads Entire College Counseling Email
– “The Parker Weekly” publishes “Joke Issue” to Contrast
Otherwise Rigorous Journalism                                                                 – Parker Math Department Replaces Algebra with Social-
Emotional-Identity-Equity Development