Editor’s Note: The piece below was published in The Weekly’s 2018 “Joke Issue.” All content, quotations, and other features are entirely fictitious. 

Vital and productive as ever, the Committee system has significantly revamped the Upper School in previous years. While Music Committee hosts concerts with famous musicians, Film Committee brings a group of students to the Oscars every year and meets with directors. Though the competition is fierce, no Committee has done more than Model Home Committee–or rather, has planned more.

On Monday, April 1, Student Government held an emergency plenary session to discuss the events planned by Model Home Committee. Though they come close to doing so every year, Model Home has ultimately overscheduled events and are asking students to come in over the weekend to take part. With multiple events on Monday and an event on every other weekday, the only option for the Committee to fulfill their overflowing list of events is to schedule them on Saturday and Sunday.

Heads Sadie Soren, Pierce Ashworth, and Estelle Heltzer have served as Heads for three years and have no plans to stop now. Soren, who ran on her qualifications in interior designing, and Ashworth, assisted by his background in lounging, are confident that their weekend events will be well-attended.

“Model Home has always been a strong and competent committee, and students respond well when they see the effort we’re putting into planning the events,” Ashworth said. “When you’re dedicated to Student Government, students will find that there is nothing else they’d rather be doing than attend our weekend events.”

   Among the events discussed on April 1 was the premiere of the Captain Marvel movie weeks before its March 8 release date, as well as flying in Momofuku truffles from New York as a ‘Monday snack’ to relieve the stress of a five-day week. Their coordination with the Science Department for students to go Indoor Skydiving was one of the three events the Heads had planned for the weekend of March 30.

   “There is nothing I love more than a science-based fun activity, and as cynical as I was of Model Home’s success a few years ago, they’ve grown on me,” junior Matthew Turk, who attended the Indoor Skydiving Saturday activity, said. “When you have a combination of physics, quantum mechanics, and entertainment, the possibilities are endless.”

   According to Soren, the event ideas have been nonstop since the beginning of the year, and while it was difficult to pace themselves, the Heads found time to schedule all of their events during the week. In March, however, they realized that the fast-approaching end of the school year left only three months in which to cram their events.

   “At the beginning of the year, we made a list of all the events we wanted to plan, and learning to make time for them during the day was a difficult obstacle,” Soren said. “We’ve done everything we could, whether that means shifting math classes to make time for a Geometry Dash competition or trying out mattresses at Bed Bath and Beyond during Conference, so we’re not stopping now.”

With Soren and Ashworth as Heads in the past few years, the Upper School has undergone dramatic changes. Bean Bag chairs replaced desks, a ball pit replaced the Cat Boxes, and nap times were carved into the schedule in place of Morning Ex. A renovated Humanities Center became the HuMANity Cave, complete with arcade games, Espresso Machines, and an X-Box. Students walking to class will no longer risk a tardy, for merely asking Alexa (a system Model Home Heads hardwired into the walls over the summer) as they rush through the hallways will supply them the current time to ensure they make it to class before the music stops. Two years ago, Director of Committee Affairs Chad White established a new category of Committee Grades for Model Home in which they receive a trophy with an added level for each semester.

“Most people underestimate the work that goes into Model Home–who do they think leaves Dove chocolates on the fourth-floor chairs at night or creates a spreadsheet of the month’s new Oreo flavors for Mr. Brandon?” Heltzer said. “This is hard work, and we’re only asking students to take time out of their weekends for a fun, consciously planned activity. The outrage we’ve experienced this last week is unprecedented.”

Complaints aside, Model Home continues to impress many Upper Schoolers with their commitment and extensive planning. Among them is senior Nicky Lerner who, with inspiration from Model Home, has considered running for Head himself.

“I never thought I could live up to the prestige of Model Home and I even stopped going to events for a few weeks because I was so intimidated,” Lerner said. “Writing a new platform on which to campaign is difficult because they’ve already done everything, so I have to go above and beyond, just like them.”