Editor’s Note: The piece below was published in The Weekly’s 2020 “Joke Issue.” All content, quotations, and other features are entirely fictitious. 

In the last weeks of January, Representative Adam Schiff of California delivered his opening statement in President Donald Trump’s Senate trial. Schiff, the lead House impeachment manager, has represented California since 2013. 

In early February, Schiff and House Democrats convened and decided to take a different approach to Trump’s impeachment, which occurred in the House of Representatives on December 18, 2019, when the House approved articles of impeachment on charges of abuse of power and obstruction of Congress. After meeting with several candidates, Schiff hired Parker alumni Charlie Moog ‘19 as an impeachment manager.

“His experience is extremely impressive, especially at such a young age,” Schiff said. “We were particularly impressed with his attempted coup d’etat in high school which, though failed, shows his passion for the office.”

Moog’s experience dates back to his sophomore year of high school when he ran for Student Government President. After losing to then-junior Kaden Florsheim, Moog spent much of his junior year attempting to impeach Florsheim for various mistakes in upholding the constitution.

“I knew I would make a strong president, and it was disappointing that my peers didn’t think so,” Moog said. “I stayed involved in Student Government because the Upper School deserved better.”

Congress has the authority to remove the president from office in two separate proceedings. The first takes place in the House of Representatives by approving articles through a simple majority vote. The second, the impeachment trial, takes place in the Senate where conviction on any of the articles requires a two-thirds majority vote and results in removal from office. 

While some Democrats are concerned that Moog’s Student Government experience does not translate to the Presidency of the United States, Schiff is confident in Moog’s appreciation for the importance of impeachment, regardless of whether it takes place in a local or national setting. 

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi hopes that Moog will be able to start the next steps surrounding Trump’s impeachments, including convincing Senate Republicans to remove President Trump from office. “We were sure that we had the votes we needed in the House, but the Senate is an entirely different situation,” Pelosi said. “We impeached Trump but failed to remove him, so we’re looking toward the future and hoping Moog can lead us.”

Though Moog acknowledges that removal from office is unlikely, he hopes that the impact of impeachment will change the course of the next election. 

“I wasn’t able to impeach Kaden, which is one of my biggest regrets,” Moog said. “However, I do believe my attempt awakened in the students a desire to have a president who will adhere to the Constitution and the school’s values. I can only hope the same is true for the country.”

Unfortunately, Trump was acquitted by the Senate on two counts of impeachment on February 5, 2020. Though the Democrats were unsuccessful in early 2020, they are hoping that Moog will provide them with plans for the future.