Student Body Votes On More Bowls

Administration to Spend $5 million on New Bowls

Editor’s Note: The piece below was published in The Weekly’s 2020 “Joke Issue.” All content, quotations, and other features are entirely fictitious. 

On Friday, March 6, during the most recent round of participatory budgeting in student government, the student body voted to buy more bowls.
The bowls were originally proposed in participatory budgeting on October 18 by Zoey Blickstein, who asked for $140. After that proposal failed, Bodie Florsheim presented a proposal for the bowls once again on December 6, asking for $70. This past round of participatory budgeting asked for $200 to provide bowls for the whole history department. 

Other proposals during participatory budgeting included donating to a local shelter, funding for a Social Justice Committee event, and compost bins. 

The first set of bowls were purchased for history teacher Jeanne Barr’s classes. 

“After receiving so much support to buy more bowls for the history department, I reached out to the business office to see if they would increase funding,” said junior and treasurer Grayson Schementi. “They wanted to make sure all departments and divisions felt included in breakfast classes that they increased the funding to give an equitable distribution to all.”

There has been some backlash to the bowl proposal and increase of funding. “I think we should increase the funding to cover spoons too,” sophomore Sammi Coleman said. “We should also buy waffle irons so we can include the people who don’t like cereal.”

Others were worried about how the bowls would be cleaned. The plan to purchase more bowls requires that each student has to clean their own bowl. “I’m not worried about people not cleaning the bowls,” said Barr. “I think that this is what Colonel Parker meant by the great responsibility”

A statement regarding bowls will be added to the Mission Statement. There will also be an additional school day off on March 6, to commemorate “Bowl Day”, and an MX for it as well. “We decided to make it an MX because we want the whole school to realize the importance of these bowls,” Junior Bodie Florsheim, who is on the MX Committee, said. 

Incoming students will receive a Parker bowl upon acceptance, Parker’s insurance will cover loss of bowls, and the fourth grade school store will start selling bowls. 

Florsheim believes that the bowls are more than just cereal. “When I think of community, the first word that comes to mind is bowl,” Florsheim said. “Any model home has enough bowls for everyone.”