Note: this article was published in the 2017 Joke Issue.

At the Chicago League Championship held at Glenbrook South High School, 20 teams packed into the huge gymnasium of the suburban school to compete for the highest awards a robotics team can achieve–the “Hydration Award” and the “Cheerleader Award.”

Sweat beat down everyone’s foreheads, and hands became clammy, as the announcer came to the podium to share the news on whose dreams were going to be made, and who would be the sorry team that had driven all the way to Glen Ellyn to get their hearts smashed. The announcer lifted the microphone to his mouth to announce the news that would change the Parker Robotics team forever–they had won the Hydration Award, and not only that award, but also the Cheerleader Award.

The Hydration Award was created in an attempt to encourage team members to stay hydrated during competition. After an incident in 2009, when a student collapsed after trying to fix the knob on his prize-winning robot, and neglected the common understanding that your body can not go three hours without water, the event’s coordinators added the category and dropped such prizes as “Best Robot” and “Best Mechanics” into insignificance.

Nowadays, robotics team members each drink at average two gallons per competition to keep up with the competitiveness of this award. Their favorite Gatorade flavor is Blue Raspberry, and the least favorite is the Orange, according to a poll sent out to the Parker Robotics team. The competition gives extra points to those who drink drinks with electrolytes.

“We really wanted to create an award that would encourage people to stay hydrated,” Chicago League Competition founder, Rob Otics, said on the new award. “We also were getting a ton of emails saying we were depriving the robotics teams of water, and also were threatened with lawsuits by many concerned parents.”

The Cheerleader Award, created in 2010 to “boost morale and team spirit,” has since been a staple of the competition, according to competitors.

With blue and white cheerleader outfits, pom-poms in hand, and a Dallas Cowboys-styled choreographed routine (intricate kick turns, a ten person pyramid to end the routine) memorized, the Parker Robotics Team was ready. “We practice every day on our routine,”  Robotics captain and sophomore Nathan Satterfield said.  “We spent a good two grand on this guy from LA to teach us our routine.  I think we spent more time on our dance routine than on our robot!  Of course we spent more time hydrating than dancing.”

These awards will be added to their collection of awards, including “The Inspire Award,” “The Motivate Award,” and “The Think Award.”  

Moving forward with their success, robotics competitors hope to nurture the minds of future team members. “We think that it is really important to get kids involved with robotics as soon as possible,” robotics team captain and sophomore Olivia Garg said, “so we have already bought them their reusable water bottles and pom-poms.”