Note: this article was published in the 2017 Joke Issue.

After four long years of secret U-Lunch meetings, Upper School History teacher Dan Greenstone revealed Tuesday that he is the faculty adviser of a club called Republican Affinity at Parker (RAAP). Members, which include and are limited to sophomore Grayson Garelick and senior Cameron Roehm, have hidden their political affiliation for years for fear of school-wide retribution.

When Greenstone first started teaching at the school, he was shocked by the lack of support for the Republican party. “I never could have imagined such a liberal school,” Greenstone said. “People with conservative values feel ostracized every single day at this school.”

Some students may feel shocked that a teacher with a Bernie bumper sticker actually has a “Lock Her Up” poster on his wall. “In reality, I feel that Parker forces conservatives to hide their true political views,” Greenstone said. “I felt it was my duty to create a safe space for students with conservative ideology.”

After Dean of Students Christian Bielizna held the first club fair in October, RAAP sent in their official club charter. Bielizna was impressed. “Their charter was quite detailed,” Bielizna said. “In fact, it went on for 15 pages.”

“The meetings have been held in secret for so long,” Garelick said. “We finally wanted to be recognized as a legitimate body by the school.”

The response from the administration was positive. “Parker has always been a community open to any and all affinity groups,” Interim Head of the Upper School and Vice Principal Ruth Jurgensen said. “I think this is a really great group that will teach people the importance of political diversity.”

Unfortunately for the group, this response was not widespread among other members of the community. “I just didn’t even know there were Republicans at Parker,” Head of Civic Engagement Shanti Elliott said. “Civic Engagement was only ever meant for liberal agendas–I don’t know what I’m going to do now!”

Despite support from the administration, a school-wide protest led by junior kindergarteners is planned for May 1. The protest will feature speakers such as Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders. Greenstone is happy that his affinity group has brought up such meaningful conversations.

The Trump White House is planning a two-person rally in the courtyard the same day as the May 1 protest. Trump said, “The RAAP is going to be huuuge!”