Note: this article was published in the 2017 Joke Issue.

A small window stares out to the courtyard. A couch and table sit near the center of the room. A guitar is at hand and a tiny leprechaun sits on the desk. This is where Principal Dan Frank spends his days.  But after pondering the question for a while, Frank has decided to travel to Ireland for a semester. The excursion will take place fall of 2017.

“I have always loved leprechauns,” Frank said, “and want to spend time in Ireland searching for them and playing my guitar.”

Since spring is here already, and summer will be approaching fast, it is important to find someone who is willing to take on the role. The candidate shouldn’t be just anyone, but someone who knows the school and truly loves it.  

After meeting with Interim Head of the Upper School Ruth Jurgensen, who offered to add the role to her other two, the Board decided to give the role to a senior kindergarten student. In order to keep the information confidential, we will call the student “Johnny.”

Johnny has a lot of big ideas for Parker. “I see all the students in the school having nap time right after lunch,” Johnny said, “and we want daily snacks such as animal crackers, fruit loops, and pop tarts.”

Jurgensen explained.  “We decided that the people who know the school the best are the students,” she said.  “We won’t be let down.  Johnny’s cover letter, which he wrote in crayon, stressed two important things–two recesses per day for all students and faculty, and the installation of  apple juice fountains in place of the water fountains.”

The role isn’t being handed to just any student, Jurgsensen, but rather to a student who has completed all of the requirements.

First Johnny had to draw a picture that dsiplayed his ideas for this position. Next, applicants had to list prior leadership experiences, and Johnny indicated that he excelled as a Junior Kindergarten line leader.

“Johnny certainly knows how to keep the line moving,” JK teacher Johanna Davis said, “but will occasionally trip on his untied shoe laces.”

Jurgensen said, “We think that this opportunity will be a fantastic leadership experience for Johnny.”

Johnny will take a leave of absence from school as he moves upstairs to Frank’s old office. One request from Johnny’s parents is that the office be used for Johnny’s playdates.  Johnny himself has requested a lego table and a basketball hoop.

“Of course, we want the transition to be as  smooth as possible,” Jurgensen said, “and we will make all necessary accommodations.”

Frank isn’t certain that he will be coming back from Ireland. “I planned this absence to only be a semester long, but I do see myself wanting to move there,” Frank said.  “I played mini golf at Diversey a couple of times and could see myself falling in love with the beautiful Irish courses.”