Note: this article was published in the 2017 Joke Issue.

At approximately 10:30 AM on Tuesday, a fire drill took a tragic turn when talking led to a real fire and student casualties.

Two high school seniors, Katrina Holeceker and Danielle Gilfoyle, were reported by upper school science teacher Elizabeth Druger to have been talking while exiting the building via the southwest stairwell, which, Druger said, led to mass confusion and the accidental starting of a fire.

The students were too distracted by their conversations regarding what was being served in the cafeteria for lunch. They weren’t paying attention to the drill, and they wandered off into the library, where they bumped into the 3D-printer, knocking it onto the floor.

“It just burst into flames,” librarian Annette Lesak said, “and they were beautifully three-dimensional.”

“We always tell the kids that silence is the biggest factor when it comes to getting to safety during a fire,” Assistant Vice Principal Ruth Jurgensen said.  “Without silence, chaos reigns.”

Two fire trucks pulled into Circle Drive with sirens blaring. The firefighters who showed up to school were distraught when they heard what the kids had done.

“You would think the speed of leaving a burning building would be the focus of surviving a fire,” Captain O’Donnell, a member of the Chicago Fire Department, said, “but we like to teach kids that silence is much more important.”

“I mean there isn’t much we can do to stop students from talking during class,” Druger said, “but using the fear of a life and death situation usually gets their attention.”

Administration plans to implement a penalty of suspension in the student handbook for any student caught talking or using a cellphone during fire drills.

“Usually when I hear the fire alarm, the first thing that comes to mind is to be completely silent,” Holcecker said at Presence Saint Joseph Hospital while recovering from third degree burns sustained during the fire. “If only we had been quiet.”

In total, 25 students were burned by the fire, all of whom were either talking to a friend, or on their phones.