The Parker Weekly

Facts for the Win

Jack Laser, Brief Writer

March 31, 2019

On Saturday, March 4th, six students on the Scholastic Bowl team competed in an event at DePaul Prep High School. The team won its first match and lost its second in a close contest. The first match was against Wilmington High ...

Devil’s Advocate, Issue 8

Felicia Miller, Columnist

March 31, 2019

Editor’s Note: The piece below was published in The Weekly’s 2019 “Joke Issue.” All content, quotations, and other features are entirely fictitious.  According to Food Allergy Research and Education, 5.6 million Amer...

The United States of America: An Embryonic Democracy

Natalie Daskal, Political Liaison

March 31, 2019

Editor’s Note: The piece below was published in The Weekly’s 2019 “Joke Issue.” All content, quotations, and other features are entirely fictitious.  Congresswoman and Parker alum Ayanna Pressley of the Massachusetts 7th...

No Food at Club Meetings?

Eli Moog, Staff Writer

March 31, 2019

For the first time since September, the Humanities Center was packed full of excited students ready to discuss Student Government. With some estimates showing that 80 students attended, Senate is claiming victory but is not res...

Parker to Become All-Female School after Gender Week

Lindsay Carlin, Brief Writer

March 31, 2019

Editor’s Note: The piece below was published in The Weekly’s 2019 “Joke Issue.” All content, quotations, and other features are entirely fictitious.  In a move contradictory to the school’s inclusive mission, Princ...

Many students are excited about the additional five million dollars Parker earmarked for additional waterpark features. Photo by tHe PaRkEr WeEkLy.

From Snow to Splashing

March 31, 2019

Best Places to Cry at Parker

Sophia Saker and Pilar Grover

March 31, 2019

Editor’s Note: The piece below was published in The Weekly’s 2019 “Joke Issue.” All content, quotations, and other features are entirely fictitious.  “A fool learns from the mistakes he makes, but a wise man learns...

Supermodel Home

Paige Shayne, Features Editor

March 31, 2019

Editor’s Note: The piece below was published in The Weekly’s 2018 “Joke Issue.” All content, quotations, and other features are entirely fictitious.  Vital and productive as ever, the Committee system has significa...

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